One in Many...or Many in One...

Why did I start my post again with two possibilities?....
Well most of the times 'Possibilities' are the ones making you alive or leave you questioning. 

A simple fact that Human beings experience two major but most common form of emotions..makes me think more and more as to why and How...The players I am talking about is 'Jealousy' and 'Envy'.
For the benefit of human mind and simplicity, they sound and feel very much similar and understandable but I am not aiming at questioning the simple way but finding out possibilities how complex can they be and make someone feel 'one in many' or 'many in one'..


I place myself amongst a sea of people, in a mundane life and observe that everyone's expression speaks for itself, I relate it to myself, either feel elated within or sad, unable to attain the state of so called Happiness. Does that mean 'I am Jealous' or 'Envious'..?

That, I would call 'One in many' where I consider myself as a 'non-living' entity amongst a lively surrounding but I am so much connected to the environment through their emotions, that I start correlating them to my Life and miss people not around me. So, basically I am in a social set up but I am what I want to be. Its not envy but jealousy....'I' am concerned about myself as well as the aura of goodness around which isn't quite attainable by me...
There is a very mild but inevitable distinction between the philosophies behind both..
Jealousy..the 'I', 'You' whom I admire or love and the third, the 'Rival'...


Even though we all are same forms of life, The positions of the three is highly dynamic and we find the emotions switching too...
Whereas, being envious will not make me realize that there is A beloved for whom I care and hence considered a Third as Rival in the Fear of 'Missing out' on something. If understood well in due course of time, it can lead to Jealousy and Ultimately to Indifference which is 'Peaceful'.


 In this conglomeration of varied emotions, complexities, simplicities and considerable amount of Human forms, I would find myself being 'Many in one' as 'I', 'You' and they will all mingle to One form..'The Formless' and 'Attainability'....

Love may be skin deep but 'Thoughts' are SOUL deep...

So 'Thoughts' sound like conception of a 'Child'...True isn't it..
Once upon a time an event happened, you were bearing it all this while, then it started becoming important, then inevitable and then Obnoxious...but you wanted to let it out and plant it somewhere else apart from your body, so it transformed it into something DEEP...sounds pretty weird but happens...


Now, having the consciousness that there is an existing feeling, the seed of the thought of the feeling and the retrograde events that led to these are always like a spider mesh!...either one wants to be entangled or wants to just destroy the mesh, clean it up and say..'hey was it ever messy'..!


Well the second scenario needs a little bit of exaggerated courage which you might not have but still you might like to try out, thinking that in the course of the fake attitude you may fit the bill and be the real YOU..the strong you ..
When thoughts are conceived like a child, it often is a joy initially as the conception and its due course is driven by extreme gay moments and 'love is skin deep' kind of aura...but if it is not like a child which is meant by the ones predominantly created or at least maintained well by you yourself, becomes a tough one to handle at a stage and the Deep Soul within you keeps calling for clearing up the Mesh...then is the time, when one needs to listen to that mild voice from within and just Follow...


Well, its not an easy job to even first differentiate a child-like thought and the self-planted one..but when you do...It will just be SOUL deep and not only Skin deep...!

A Tryst with TIME..

The Day I cried when I came out of my mother's womb, had spoken my first alphabet, crawled for the warmth of someone nearby...You were the one who embraced me like a friend. It was an unknown face, a strange gesture for someone like me who had never experienced the presence of a friend till then as I never realized you were there with me all along.


I grew up, fell down, went to school..compelled to stand out, be the best, but you never questioned why was I following it. Whom was I trying to satisfy. I smiled at you when tears were rolling down my cheeks, I knew you were the one playing prank all this while. I contemplated that I would take revenge but it always turned out to be an attraction rather than bitterness. 


The Critic grew in me, the expectations grew in others, parents smiled and you Too...where was I lost amidst the ocean of responsibilities, was I even thinking about Your presence?
I was lost, was trying to find a New Me..You came to my Rescue..
The hug, the pat, the blessing, the kiss..it was all you..I worked with a zeal to run behind you, slept with a relief to wake up new..It was all You..


My tryst with you since I imbibed feelings have been unquestionable, In the form of friendships, competitors and acquaintances..You were still at the corner with a smirk fooling me with Different shapes, phases and intellect. You are dynamic and so am I. I am a mere shadow of your presence..rather omnipresence..
My indulgence and renunciation is carved in my heart and mind...an etching till I die..


No matter how static I might be at a phase of Life, I would still love the way you are, the undissolved you..the Mighty You..

Divinity through My Senses...

Divinity- a personification, a strength or a faith in supernatural is perceived through various senses including the most powerful one, the sixth sense.
The aura of something to be experienced as divine can vary from an individual to another as the senses of each one stands significant for his/her own perception. The expression of it might be as skillful as a memorable speech or as powerful as the SILENCE itself.

Divinity through my eyes is  that tear drop which flows unexpectedly in a subconscious environment, a peaceful mind gives birth to a mere drop which engulfs all the expressions of the moment and just flows.
A temple, for instance doesn't attract me because of the religion per se but most likely because it is the place where some senses are so active to conglomerate my feelings and gather faith in a power much more than religion. 

Beauty and the vision behind the exploration of it and the meaning of its existence is equally divine. An interchangeable relation that beauty shares with Love, Life and Happiness is unquestionable. The goal of life and the sustenance of love, create an unusual sense which I find it arduous to even sense or categorise among any senses.

It might not be that I can write about divinity and explain it to myself whether or not it exists within me, but it surely is a form of expression and a feeling rather strong to let me clear my eyes to see what I should be seeing and a purity of thought leading towards the unexpected which stands on the way as I move ahead.
"Krishna is divine as it is a culmination of Spiritualism and Materialism". My existence with this belief is an answer to divinity.

Surrender..to?

Living the life of a child, without apprehensions or premonitions seems like a Surrender to Me. But a retrograde evolution of those emotions like that of a child, being an adult is a realization in itself.
The world around me seems to suffer with varied emotions, expectations, weakness and hypocrisy. At the same time it also exemplifies people with serenity, peace and the child-like surrender. Its a culmination of the conflicts as well as strength. 
Surrender, to me is an act of acceptance of situation, phases or an individual in the light of the context and philosophy behind each of them. You might get slapped on your face hard enough by life, its ordeals, your own foolishness but it would take courage to stand up and face another slap. Then, it would not matter as to how bad was the whole thing but the only perception which will matter is..'I survived'..and the joy you get from the idea is quite Child-like, not childish..
It should not be confused or related to being submissive, its rather a BIG  step towards a stand that YOU being Self-Centred can still surrender or can share a mutual relation with someone against all odds. Its a virtue to look at the glass every time and say, "its half filled because I drank the rest and it was worth it, I will fill it again and Drink it again till I exist"...
So, life seems to be beautiful with surrender to self, to your loved ones and to the Power or faith you have for the unseen, the nature around...its a new lesson to inculcate and imbibe the freshness of one's feelings...something like a kid. 

Being urself..and being Happy..

The Importance of being Happy is only understood when you decipher the meaning or the state of something called ...'Happiness'. Like it is said that it can't be just an achievement but a PURSUIT ..an act, an effort to actually feel the 'effortlessness' which according to me is happiness. An encounter with a bubbly kid, a soft blow of wind which just touches your face through your soft hair, a naughty thought, a naughty person ..bla bla..list goes on...not a long list though..:)..

They are effortless, but what you and I have been doing, is putting lots of effort in feeling that in our daily lives about work, relations with self and others, coping with peoples expectations and ultimately blasting out by the overdose of such mundane thoughts and efforts. 

So, what you need to do at least, is to keep getting reminded of your own-self and your behavior towards certain people, towards the environment and yourself. That could surely develop some strength to be conscious of you being Your original untouched SELF and not influenced or manipulated by anything or anyone.

The pursuit of happiness can then begin or can be visible enough for you to vaguely go for it...follow the purity, the sanity of its existence among all CHAOS in life. Then can you laugh at everything or nothing effortlessly, beautifully and happily.

Fear Vs Strength

It might sound absurd to talk about fear and strength at the same time and even trying to define them at a similar level but it seems quite intriguing the more you go deep.
Now one can always contemplate as to HOW deep?

 Well to be safe, lets say 'its relative'..
But fear is always something which we run away from and strength is what we always crave for. In a greater scale both of them start culminating, as FEAR in its true sense should actually make a human stronger to tackle it and too much of STRENGTH brings in fear of falling!..
Oh! so it again feels like a circle..ugly vicious one..I know everything in Life can be defined through vicious circles..

The key in realizing this culmination lies in the fact that one has to be aware if one is experiencing fear due to the strength itself or its a fear of achieving and loosing out on things, people and more importantly on your 'self'. If that intuitive power is being perceived well, then can one locate the point where both fear and strength merge. Interesting as it sounds but Maddening as it needs to be imbibed..!

BEEN there DONE not all that ...so trying...:)

All this while I was wondering that I was following a pattern and it seemed that I was somehow sailing with time, thought it would be better and I would easily follow it in future as I have always been ...but whoosh...everything seems to be actually Chaotic and I am the one who has been searching for ORDER in CHAOS...true it is as true as my identity. This simple fact that things, people and places change was always there in the mind but never reached the consciousness of it that its so true!

When I say been there and not done all that , I mean i have understood some through being in situations and In most cases its been mere observation which has rendered the wisdom but I need to experience to put forward MY view...
It might sound egoistic, rather Centered opinion but I am quite comfortable with it. Recent past has blown my mind in various field...personal, Professional and even Intellectual...feel blessed to have experienced all that and thankful to someone or some power within me..that I have survived..


The essence of belief and expression, the reality of man, its virtues and vice, the pinch of retaliation, the aim of renunciation and the Power of emotion, everything seems to be like UNIVERSE ...a conglomeration of My Mind and heart with the ever growing mystery of LIFE..

UNSAID....

What happens when things are not easy to mention or rather better not said?

Do they loose their importance or is it the demand of the time and situation that you need to abide by it....!! It can be both or rather it could be that you don't want the person in front you realize how deep you have been in the ocean and survived a tide which almost killed you....may be it was like the moon's effect on tides, u may try to avoid but you got attracted because its nature and you cant fight against that.

But then what next is the big question always, will you go again to the ocean with the same vigor but with all arms and ammunition to fight again the tide or you would just sit at the shore the contemplate learning swimming well so that if there is ever a next time, you can face it with courage...

The answer is not easy but worth a thought, tides are inevitable but the effects due to every tide fades after sometime when the moon doesn't have its influence...so moral may be that go with the flow and rescue yourself when you feel you are drowning. When , how and why is the choice we need to make!

Against the ODDS..

Getting up in the morning with a thought as heavy as your head doesn't seem to be a great sign of a peaceful mind..
But the brighter side is, against all odds I am trying to fit into my thoughts to know the origin, reason and the situation behind it. It dawns to me that the thought isn't petty but the concept surely is. The situations and environmental conspiracy against my make believe world is hovering over my head to make me realize things, feel them and hold on to it or let it go. Choice is definitely mine but making that choice itself seems to a tough choice. A lot of wise people around me, inclusive of me..;)..tell me that after a certain point of the fourth dimension, it really doesn't matter whether the thoughts are worth a thought or not but I am still not convinced and against all odds I go on defending, and building up my mountains of these although i am aware that one fine day it would come down under the force of a big earthquake and things will be as real as earth, the soil and the air but no more a mountain as strong as my ego. But until then I take pain and pleasure in casting it with my own Hands, the Gigantic structure and keep seeing it grow bigger and  bigger to stand on top of it and feel the sky...!!

Options in Life..

Who says you have to feel bad when you consider options in life.
Option is the most important fact of life coz not everyone or everthing fits right at the same time!

Options can be better defined in terms of priorities at different time points, and dat way we can atleast know each person one by one n not mess up the whole process of understanding. But whether is it justified or not depends from individual to individual...people come into our life with a lesson and its our duty, rather responsibility to learn from each of them Good or Bad whatever.

Overcoming certain emotions might be arduous, but its worth considering the fact that it still goes to the corner of the brain where emotions are active, subtle but like a volcano... 

An option comes in handy in such cases coz it gives life a new direction and a thrust to leap forward leaving behind few miserable things or few addictive things which helps in understanding oneself better.

So options are always good when they are independent and there importance is well understood and it actually helps in finding out n number of shades of life and oneself..!!

Knowingly Unknowing or Unknowingly Knowing...!!!

Weekend mania drives some kind of emotional dis balance where it should actually help in rejuvenating, it works the other way round and the result is...the blog is updated on Mondays..:)..with some food for thought...


Today its about things we know but ignore or things we thought we didn't know but we were actually skin deep into that! And the question is how often does it happen..?
Well its happening quite a lot with me nowadays and its a kinda of memory game...the only thing i do get to realize is how everything is moving in a circle..a vicious one, wherein i am like an object following the orbit and nothing else...


The major issue is, the things i know like some age old rules created by me n myself, keeps deceiving me n i fall a victim to strange circumstances...and some other times, I am not aware of things but actually i am into it n very deep and in a real mess...;)...well the so called facts of life come handy in such situations and  clear the mess up at least for a moment but it helps a great deal to surrender to my idiosyncrasies again n m back to normal...
The take home message is always the same...expectations do pinch BUT they are like drugs, get addicted or leave it for lifetime..;)...yippee..

Mind and Heart can nevr be at peace together..!!

Have you felt that u want to run but a rope is tied around our feet..or you want to speak but u are choking...??

Well its not a great feeling but sometimes it does happen and I have felt it many times. Thanks to my own idiosyncrasies, my ego and my expectations which are not unfamiliar to me but they surprise me most of the times even though i am made up of these raw materials...
Solution?? well...no idea..quest for it goes on n on n on....like a never ending road...

Can loneliness be called a virtue of someone who loves it or a curse who loves to avoid it...?
As the Murphy's Law would put forward the whole thing as......

"If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot do anything else"..., it always is great to realise the feelings but questioning them can just seem to be Jigsaw puzzle and at least the most common gesture i would show in relation to the whole scenario is to drop a few tears and move on...!!

Hats off to my strangeness and crazy beliefs..:)

Hmm...Solitude..

What is it?? A way of realizing own 'SELF' or crib about how to live alone...do we really enjoy it or at some point of time we feel its a burden of our emotions..hmm...questions do puzzle but answers to them is almost like searching for a drop of water in an ocean....:) rather the ocean itself which allows every mystery to be dissolved in  itself!

What do we imbibe in our life time??...is it how to live or how to exist or how to live and exist both...Such a tricky thing to even think of n i am sure my parents would have never ever thought that i would write such stuff on my blog n throw open questions...That brings another question to my mind as to how education helps us during the phase of solitude..?? What is it that makes us strong enough to handle situations..is it parental love or will power or both?..why are we social animals? why do we seek companionship or is it just a mind set..I will go through this mesh of confusions and shall emerge as a powerful and thoughtful human being...ha ha ha!!

Confessions to My Diary....

A million eyes to watch, a thousand shoulders to cry

Many great to talk, but I feel lost

Don’t know why...

A smile so painful on my face, tears easy to find

Trying to be happy but not worth a try...

A meaning so obvious, of the gestures I see

 I still need to run and hide from them,

As you are the one who would bid me good bye...

I was the same and I will be, even if you are gone

I’ll never let my spirit ruin my life,

Till I die!

It’s been long that I have seen you smile,

The way flowers bloom and welcome a new day

It’s been hard to hear you weep,

 At the corner of your lonely bed...

I know you long for someone

Who could reach your heart, wipe your tears

But life is harsh and so are you on yourself!

I realize that you are my reflection

And I can imbibe the pain...

I choose not to cry but wait till the dawn,

I still hope that you would smile someday...

Be lovely and gay