I breath and I say I am alive. My breathe might me slow, might be even too subtle to tell you that I am still there and living. Its all that I know right now. As this sweet phenomena is happening within, what is happening around is worth finding out. There are days when I even forget to breathe and consider myself dead for reasons and yes..I attribute this phenotype to some surrounding. As always the question is, 'where are you' in your surrounding and is it even worth considering there is one surrounding which should affect you.
My life revolves around myself..you know a revolution and a rotation as the universe witnesses. I rotate as a chaos, as a disciplined creature and sometimes as a random individual but I revolve around my idiosyncrasies, my faith, my biases to an extent and my foolishness too. I might have written things on the walls, painted emotions on my doors or cried my heart out in a corner, I still breathe and I am conscious about it. I have hated running behind, after or from something/someone..it still is unavoidable sometimes. Its not inevitable..it might look like a need but it doesn't make or break me in the long run..now 'long' is a relative term. An achievement in terms of satisfaction can be as long as a night or a moment and a dissatisfaction for years may even make me easily indifferent.
Life is such a camouflage, a facade I must admit...creating havoc and also peace. I feel as innocent as a star gazer or as violent as a hunter..sometimes both at the same time. The deal seems to be so vague to be taken care of but it does enthuse me to look forward or rather look beyond the sky, beyond Man's reach, beyond my emotions and beyond my presence..the 'Nothing' whatever it might mean; senseless it may be to many. A tree if I may be one, my leaves have been wilting and simultaneously lustrous greens have been popping out too. My roots spread around and hold myself and also hold all those who are mere commensals. I never had a problem with that. I simply long for symbiosis sometimes, I know its like being pure selfish but it helps in growing..accepting changes. These days I don't see mutualism, rare it has been or it was my idea which was a plain vulgar one...no expectation is The thing for good health you see.
Oh well! break the illusion and I am no more a tree, no branches..no wilting and no birth. I am a curious star gazer. I derive my pleasure in simply staring at those odd things, odd humans or odd thoughts. Mistakes they may be, but I find myself there....hanging. Very comfortable and sometimes restless. At least I am answerable to myself. I define and break things apart irrespective of my surroundings. Boundaries I had never appreciated but I did learn early that 'never say never'. Early is good, truth is better, consciousness is great but finding Yourself is Life..unmatchable and lovely.
