Its not DARK yet...

Its not dark yet, and I am already silent. I can feel the numbness and listen to my restless heart beats. Its not dark yet, still I see myself running behind something absurd, something unconventional..may be something like ME...


Its not far enough that I have to travel through time to reach my own thoughts, remind myself of the days I never was alive enough. One woman beneath a gory and gloomy sky isn't enough to make me realize that I am not the same 'Her'. Its not dark yet, that I have to escape my own breathe and long for the peaceful sleep...for the closure of those eyelids like a child who knows just how to smile much more than how to shed tears.


You are not worthy enough to create a mirage of happiness around, an illusion best described as 'Meaningless' yet important. You were not there, when that woman embraced the glory of death, her emotions at point blank, speechless and pale... she laid down under that same painfully dark sky which today calls me towards it...calls me loud enough. But I know, its not dark Yet!


You, are the same, the past, future but No Present at all and I know it. I believe that You were her delusion and my illusion so as to say, nothing more and nothing less. I would rather pacify myself seeing you as a coward, than killing my soul every night.


I would love the idea to Live ... to survive my own darkness within/out you as I see it clear that its not dark yet and I still love the Obscurity in Me...

Re-dis-cover.....

What is discovery of SELF?
Do you just see yourself as never before or you just don't want to see yourself at all..
Can one moment define what you were..who you are and why you will be that way sometime down the line..?


Thoughts, like a flash of light can just pierce the mighty head and the foolish but still a mighty and beating heart. But are we talking about a 'brightness' afterwards or a never ending gloomy n dark night..
I think its all about questioning over and over again, the same old 'YOU'...
The same you responsible for the cause and the consequences, why blame others..

Its you who sat in front of that bed, gazing through the stars, trying to find one that glows throughout, its you who dropped few tears contemplating about your foolishness, its you who wanted to go into that deep slumber but kept yourself hanging...so why be the same again...and confess again!


A fight between 'I am Human' and 'I am an unemotional and self-satisfied' human is a never ending one. It just speaks of one possibility, that of Evolving and Un-covering those you always wanted to show, Re-ignite something that you always thought had died in you and Dis-believe them who always pointed a finger at you and you knew you could stand for yourself...


That's what is simply loving and living  the 'SELF' discovery or rather, Re(finement and ignite)-Dis(belief)-reCovery.

One in Many...or Many in One...

Why did I start my post again with two possibilities?....
Well most of the times 'Possibilities' are the ones making you alive or leave you questioning. 

A simple fact that Human beings experience two major but most common form of emotions..makes me think more and more as to why and How...The players I am talking about is 'Jealousy' and 'Envy'.
For the benefit of human mind and simplicity, they sound and feel very much similar and understandable but I am not aiming at questioning the simple way but finding out possibilities how complex can they be and make someone feel 'one in many' or 'many in one'..


I place myself amongst a sea of people, in a mundane life and observe that everyone's expression speaks for itself, I relate it to myself, either feel elated within or sad, unable to attain the state of so called Happiness. Does that mean 'I am Jealous' or 'Envious'..?

That, I would call 'One in many' where I consider myself as a 'non-living' entity amongst a lively surrounding but I am so much connected to the environment through their emotions, that I start correlating them to my Life and miss people not around me. So, basically I am in a social set up but I am what I want to be. Its not envy but jealousy....'I' am concerned about myself as well as the aura of goodness around which isn't quite attainable by me...
There is a very mild but inevitable distinction between the philosophies behind both..
Jealousy..the 'I', 'You' whom I admire or love and the third, the 'Rival'...


Even though we all are same forms of life, The positions of the three is highly dynamic and we find the emotions switching too...
Whereas, being envious will not make me realize that there is A beloved for whom I care and hence considered a Third as Rival in the Fear of 'Missing out' on something. If understood well in due course of time, it can lead to Jealousy and Ultimately to Indifference which is 'Peaceful'.


 In this conglomeration of varied emotions, complexities, simplicities and considerable amount of Human forms, I would find myself being 'Many in one' as 'I', 'You' and they will all mingle to One form..'The Formless' and 'Attainability'....

Love may be skin deep but 'Thoughts' are SOUL deep...

So 'Thoughts' sound like conception of a 'Child'...True isn't it..
Once upon a time an event happened, you were bearing it all this while, then it started becoming important, then inevitable and then Obnoxious...but you wanted to let it out and plant it somewhere else apart from your body, so it transformed it into something DEEP...sounds pretty weird but happens...


Now, having the consciousness that there is an existing feeling, the seed of the thought of the feeling and the retrograde events that led to these are always like a spider mesh!...either one wants to be entangled or wants to just destroy the mesh, clean it up and say..'hey was it ever messy'..!


Well the second scenario needs a little bit of exaggerated courage which you might not have but still you might like to try out, thinking that in the course of the fake attitude you may fit the bill and be the real YOU..the strong you ..
When thoughts are conceived like a child, it often is a joy initially as the conception and its due course is driven by extreme gay moments and 'love is skin deep' kind of aura...but if it is not like a child which is meant by the ones predominantly created or at least maintained well by you yourself, becomes a tough one to handle at a stage and the Deep Soul within you keeps calling for clearing up the Mesh...then is the time, when one needs to listen to that mild voice from within and just Follow...


Well, its not an easy job to even first differentiate a child-like thought and the self-planted one..but when you do...It will just be SOUL deep and not only Skin deep...!

A Tryst with TIME..

The Day I cried when I came out of my mother's womb, had spoken my first alphabet, crawled for the warmth of someone nearby...You were the one who embraced me like a friend. It was an unknown face, a strange gesture for someone like me who had never experienced the presence of a friend till then as I never realized you were there with me all along.


I grew up, fell down, went to school..compelled to stand out, be the best, but you never questioned why was I following it. Whom was I trying to satisfy. I smiled at you when tears were rolling down my cheeks, I knew you were the one playing prank all this while. I contemplated that I would take revenge but it always turned out to be an attraction rather than bitterness. 


The Critic grew in me, the expectations grew in others, parents smiled and you Too...where was I lost amidst the ocean of responsibilities, was I even thinking about Your presence?
I was lost, was trying to find a New Me..You came to my Rescue..
The hug, the pat, the blessing, the kiss..it was all you..I worked with a zeal to run behind you, slept with a relief to wake up new..It was all You..


My tryst with you since I imbibed feelings have been unquestionable, In the form of friendships, competitors and acquaintances..You were still at the corner with a smirk fooling me with Different shapes, phases and intellect. You are dynamic and so am I. I am a mere shadow of your presence..rather omnipresence..
My indulgence and renunciation is carved in my heart and mind...an etching till I die..


No matter how static I might be at a phase of Life, I would still love the way you are, the undissolved you..the Mighty You..